K: Return of Kings
January 03, 2016

So there’s a city, right? And there’s seven clans in it that each have superpowers and a color, except the colorless one, but we took care of that in season one, so let’s ignore them. In fact, we already took care of colorless, silver, gold, red, and blue, so we’ve only got two left. So the first one will be green. And they’ll be the enemy. They need a theme…evolution! They want to evolve humanity using all the superpowers the clans have. Simple enough.

How will they deal with all the characters from the original K? Well, it’s fine if the Green clan has two or three super powerful characters, better than everyone we’ve seen so far combined! And worst comes to worst, we can just throw in the last color too, because that’s a get out of jail free card for crazy things. And even though the Blue and Red clans hate each other, they will find it in themselves to unite against the common enemy and deepen their friendships in the process. Especially this one pair, who had nothing but hatred for each other in season one; we can just turn them into tsunderes and cover it up with sappy writing. It subverts their entire character with no explanation, but that’ll do.

And the king of the Silver clan went missing last season, so let’s bring him back! We can do the same thing to the Blue king that we did to the Red king last season, just to up the irony. Let’s see…the Green clan was here the whole time right? They can retroactively be involved in the plot of season one. Plus we can give them backstories with some of the more useless characters from before, and that’ll give those deadweights some hurdle to overcome. That’s character development 101 after all. Speaking of useless characters, can we suddenly start giving all the clansmen names? They still don’t do anything, but it makes them feel more like a real clan, even if we don’t give them anything in the way of personalities, story, or characterization whatsoever. Well, if one of them becomes popular it’ll help our merchandizing.

Is that it? Did we fill all thirteen episodes with a single linear plot and a bunch of pretend development masked as subplot? Good, time to touch it up with a sweet electronic soundtrack and cool color filters that make it hard to see the actual colors on screen. So to recap, we set up an enemy stronger than anything faced before, which was totally involved in last season even though they weren’t mentioned, and then knocked them down. We broke some characters along the way, made up some nonsense for dramatic effect, had a few flashy fight sequences, and padded the rest out with completely unnoteworthy scenes that got us from K: Missing Kings to the end of the series, from point A to point B. And we did it all with zero risks and plenty of fanservice.

Yep, I’d say that’s a wrap.

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