Posted on January 21, 2022

"[Stoicism] is also about keeping in mind what is and what is not under our control, focusing our efforts on the former and not wasting them on the latter."

—Massimo Pigliucci, How to Be a Stoic

Sometimes, things are just exactly as they are and there is nothing to do about it, and that’s okay. What is interesting, then, is to develop the capacity of recognizing such a fact. It’s easy, however, to get carried away with the emotions of the moment and miss the opportunity to make the crucial distinction. Afterwards, come the feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, and more.

The alternative, on the other hand, offers much more benefits. I’ve found that it’s easier to not let my emotions dictate my feelings when I take a second to understand the nature of the situation. If things are out of my control, I won’t be able to make any changes by taking a negative response about it. This reminds me of a famous saying by the Dalai Lama: “If there is no solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it.” However, the saying goes on to introduce the notion that even if things are actually within our control, it doesn’t necessarily mean we need to worry either: “If there is a solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it.

Even though I’ve tried to follow the Dalai Lama’s suggestions for over a decade now, I can attest that it’s not always easy—especially during tough times like losing a loved one. However, I can also recognize that the times where I follow this advice—and take responsibility by acting on the things that are under my control—, I’ve felt a heartwarming tranquility. That is why everyday I make a conscious effort to let go of things that are not under my control, because I want to, and because I can.